Sunday Nights

It is sunday night and I am dreading going back to work tomorrow.  Sunday nights and Monday mornings are always the worst, with discomfort increasing on my way to work.  Tomorrow two weeks ago I was terrified whilst walking to the office; it sometimes is as if I know something is going to happen and something did happen.  The bully boss once again engaged in faultfinding: I phoned another colleague in the morning and we had a chat.  Later this morning in a meeting (room) the bully boss pointed out that she heard me talk on the phone and that I said 'X' and she did not agree with it. 

Mind your own business.

Every time you pick on me you are telling me a whole lot about yourself.  What you do not know is that I can read people and I can see through you.  The truth probably is, that you envy me for my relationship building skills with colleagues across the globe and you just did not like the fact that I talked to this person about whatever.  I talked to two other overseas colleagues that morning and this may have been a bit much for you.  You probably feel that you should do the same but never get round to it, so you need to put me down to make yourself feel better.  A colleague pointed out I should go to a private office next time, but I did that when you became my boss and you thought I am not working in there.  Been there done that.  People who do not trust others cannot be trusted.

The bully wants to control

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with the way I do my work, despite stellar reviews from previous line managers.  Ther was always some detail that was not good enough, and the bully boss made an elephant out of it.  For quite a few months I thought I just need time to adapt to the new boss, but soon realised this would proof impossible.  You cannot and must not adapt to someone's mood swings and bullying episodes but disengage.  After about six months I was sure I was being picked on and the term 'bullying' crossed my mind for the first time.  However, I dismissed these first signs as I was sure this was not the bully boss' intention and I gave her the benefit of the doubt, strongly believing that at some point in the future things would improve.

I began to see a pattern: the bully boss has mood swings which go hand in hand with shifts in confidence to insecurity.  The bully boss likes to feel superior, and she achieves that by putting down others. This is neccessary because nobody is superior to others and most definitely not her.  To the bully boss social status is very important, so she talks about well off friends who do not have to work and which expensive purchases she has made.  The bully boss also wants to be seen as the smartest and hardest working individual, not just in the team, but in the business unit, or perhaps even the whole company.  So, the bully boss regularly points out how many hours she puts in:  she sees sending out a report at 10 PM as hard work and stellar commitment and comes in some mornings telling everyone who is not interested how long she stayed last night or that she worked at home until 2 AM.  The bully is a lonely soul.  The bully also puts down the achievements of others, in my case mine, and begins manipulating people higher in ranking so I look bad and she better.  It was then when things started to affect my health as I just could not get my head around the fact this was happening.  From then on, I increased my networking activities in the company to not lose my reputation.  I began to build rapport with others, even outside the team, to share and cross-check my observations.  There was very little evidence against my observations.

The bully does not say goodbye

That's right.  Often when I leave the office and say 'bye everyone', everyone but the bully responds.  She pretends not to hear it and looks down on her keyboard, but behaves completely differently when another team member leaves.  The same applies to 'saying good morning' - everyone but me gets one.  Occasionally, she does acknowledge and I cannot help but think this is because her boss is in the office that day.  So, I lowered my expectations of my boss and and it is no longer my issue but her's.

My boss bullies me.  She has done so from day one and it took me almost a year to be absolutely certain.  She has only been my boss for 18 months, but this has been long enough to cause damage to my health, career progress and reputation within my company.  The first incident took place just a few weeks after she became my boss when she called me into a room to discuss the outline of a presentation for a client.  Once we were in there she started interrogating me about one of the subjects I am an analyst for at this company - every answer I gave was met with scepticism and prompted her to ask me another question or respond with 'yes, but...'.  It was then I had the first inkling of what could happen in the coming months.

I am still with this company and would like to share my story to encourage others to expose bullies (as tactfully as possible, it's for your own good) and take a helicopter view of the situation for your sanity.  Whenever I feel I can no longer take this shit, I look at a recent situation from above and then I almost fall off the chair laughing.